I want to get a post up here that says a little bit more about me and my writing than a quick-burst rant about Dick Cheney.  I have recently read that one of the marks of an amateur writer is using “top ten” lists, but I wrote this piece before I knew that and I am an amateur and I think that this piece pretty well encapsulates a lot about me.  So, by way of introducing myself…..

Ten Things that must be Real (or at least made from scratch)

July 2003

            Is it bothersome that products are marketed as containing “real” ingredients (i.e. contains real milk, contains real fruit, contains real butter, made with real cheese)?  Are we so used to unreal, that we actually consider it a bonus, if a food product is made with, what it is supposed to have been made with, in the first place?  Where has everyday common sense disappeared, if we cannot judge for ourselves, that a regular ingestion of manufactured food products will eventually have a more harmful payoff than a regular ingestion of fresh whole food?  Do we really need to have all the calories and nutritional values calculated and printed (and passed on as part of the price) for us?  Can’t we tell by looking at a ripe juicy apple or corn on the cob, that it is going to be something more natural to put into our bodies than something that is in vacuum-sealed packaging?  Do we really need to sue fast food franchises for our own poor judgment?  Can we save such lawsuit energy for things that really matter – like criminal corporate excess and greed at the expense of honest and loyal employees and stockholders?

            Okay, this really is supposed to be about a Top Ten Favorites List.  I am just at a point in my cycle where a single word or phrase can induce a rant (see “Menstruation as an Agent for Change”).  So let us proceed with “Ten Things that must be Real (or at least made from scratch)”.

1.      Coffee – enough said!  Just kidding!  I grew up on stovetop percolated coffee.  The kind that boils over on the burner and you can smell it from three blocks away.  My mother made at least four to six pots daily, starting the first one in the wee hours of the morning to fill my Dad’s thermos.  The aroma was the first thing that permeated my subconscious every morning.  I have always said “No Sanka” to anything made with powder or crystals stirred in hot water.  And I don’t like the point of decaf.

2.      Butter - See above rant.  I never could accept the taste of margarine and the supposed savings advantage never impressed me either.  When I was a youngster, margarine was illegal in our dairy state (Wisconsin).  People drove across the border to Illinois to purchase this white stuff, in a plastic bag, that had a blue dot, which had to be pressed and kneaded into the white stuff, until it turned a yellow color, like butter.  Then it could be eaten and used, like butter.  I am well aware, that this “space-aged product”, now comes already “yellowed” in pretty little decorator containers, that can be reused; and that, it supposedly has some health advantages in terms of cholesterol and fat content which I believe have since been debunked (see common sense reference in above rant); however I have always preferred, the look; color; taste; and cooking properties; of butter (and it should not need to be prefixed by “real”, that is redundant; but I realize that there are people who were born post 1970 who grew up in households, that never consumed anything but margarine, in plastic decorator containers which was mistakenly referred to as “butter”; and that now, there are whole generations who exist under the mistaken assumption, that butter is the stuff that comes in those little plastic decorator containers).  Okay; - the ranting is starting again.

3.      Sugar - The thinking here for me is much the same as with butter, except that different words are substituted in appropriate places.  Words such as: saccharine, zorbitol, cancer etc. along with phrases such as: “just doesn’t taste right”.

4.      Hot Cocoa - aaah yes – made with real milk, real sugar, real cocoa and a touch of real vanilla; heated on a real stove; not in a microwave.  This is real hot cocoa and it is real good and it can make you real warm if you are real cold.

5.      Whipped cream - See the above three “reals” to get the gist of this.  You buy “real” whipping cream at the grocery store, in the dairy section.  You bring it home and mix it with your hand mixer.  Just before it starts to get fluffy, sprinkle in a little sugar, and a little vanilla; then continue mixing until it is just the right fluffy.  Use on all the things you would normally use Cool Whip or Dream Whip or anything else of like kind.

6.      Strawberry Shortcake -   Well, I hope that based on what I have already said; that I do not need to go into the requirement of real, fresh, strawberries here.  My intent is to focus on the “baked from scratch” shortcake, made with flour, real butter, real sugar, and real milk, using the recipe from the well-worn, “Betty Crocker Cookbook”.  Top with strawberries and number five from above.

7.      Brownies -   It doesn’t take any longer to put together brownies from scratch than to make brownies from a box mix.  We have a family recipe that we have always used; it calls for melting unsweetened chocolate squares with butter, adding sugar, eggs (4), flour, baking powder, and salt.  By far, superior brownie dough, when eaten pre-baked; and a mighty fine brownie when actually baked.

8.      Frosting - My favorite is butter, powdered sugar frosting for most things; especially, Christmas cookie cutouts.  The stuff in the cans is workable in a pinch, or for a school potluck dinner; but it really is from another planet.

9.      Mashed Potatoes – (in homage to “Bull Durham”, the movie).  You peel them.  You cut them.  You put them in a pan of water and boil them.  You drain them.  You mash them.  You put in big chunks of real butter, and you mash them some more.  You add some real milk, and mash some more.  You keep adding chunks of butter, milk and salt to taste, until the perfect creamy texture is achieved.  You serve them (ideally with number ten from below), and, eat them with immense satisfaction - (Mick and Keith have never been to dinner at my house).

10.  Gravy – like the stovetop percolated coffee: our evening meals when I was growing up, consisted of mashed potatoes; gravy; canned corn, green beans, or peas; and meat.  Not pasta; or stir-fry; or couscous; or quiche and salad (in those days “real men” not only didn’t eat quiche; “real men” never heard of quiche).  My mother always used a cleaned, glass, Skippy Peanut butter jar, to make a potion of: about ¼ cup flour and 1 cup water; shaken until blended, to mix with the meat juices for gravy.   I later learned, from my mother-in-law, that a little starch water, saved from draining the mashed potatoes, works well to help thicken the gravy.  Making gravy; is best learned from someone born before 1940, or, from someone who learned from someone born before 1940. 

Having completed my list and reflected on it somewhat, I realize that there are certainly subcategories under some of these top ten.  For instance, under the made from scratch shortcake; I would have to include baking powder biscuits and pancakes.  Under the made from scratch brownies; I would have to include Nestlé’s Tollhouse Cookies.  And under the real hot cocoa; I would have to include, the use of stovetop- boiled in teakettle- water, when making a cup of hot tea.  (The properties of micro waved hot water are just not right.  It’s always a little foamy and never really boiling hot.  I like my hot beverages to burn just a little bit on the way down.)  There may even be some items that should be included separately, extending the list beyond the number of ten.  I am, however, sticking with the first ten that came to my mind; figuring that the initial gut instinct, here, is probably on target.