I've always been amazed and often disturbed by the ways people send you messages - the real messages they want to send your way, whether conscious or not. Nowhere has this been more evident as of late than with this upcoming surf competition at 5:00 today.

I've asked my friends and fellow surfers repeatedly not to tell me much about the other surfers in this tournament. I don't know most of them anyway and figure it's better off that way. Just point me in the right direction and tell me to surf. I don't need a "who's who" of the Long Beach Island surf community.

Yet once the line-up was announced, I was greeted with a barrage of phonecalls and remarks, most had that "subliminal speak" such as:

 "Whoa....you're going up against Maureen Smythe? She's really good. Wow. She's really good. She's like the best on the island. Good luck."

"You're paired with Lorraine. I hope she'll do okay. She's really nervous about this competition. Really nervous."

"I had the worst dream about the competition last night. Someone was airlifted and taken to an emergency room. Good luck tomorrow!"

I almost don't want any friends or family there to support me. It's too painful. I almost feel better or more comfortable left alone. It's as if to say, "Too late, my friends, too late. I don't need this now. It just feels awkward. Move along."

Besides invariably they say something that disturbs me because I always read the subtext, whether real or perceived. In short, I'm paranoid and touchy. 

The movie My Dinner with Andre has a scene that has stuck with me for years. Wally Shaun talks to Andre Gregory about an upcoming performance where he has to wear a big, heavy mask on stage. Another actor comes up to him and says, "The last time I wore a mask like that, I passed out on stage." 

My brother just walked by. He said, "The tournament is at 5 tonight? They usually have them in the morning. It's better in the morning. Waves are cleaner."

Here's a few moments from one of my favorite movies, My Dinner with Andre (not including the scene I mentioned.)